Messin' with Scammers

I remember the first time I came into contact with one of those Nigerian scams. I was barely 18 and got this desperate email from a man trapped as a refuge somewhere foreign. Of all the people on earth, he was only able to email me for help and he happened to have millions. He was willing to share if I had him transfer funds into my bank account. I read it, got cold all over and called my Dad. Looking back, I can't believe how naive I was to even believe that this situation was real. The funny part was that I didn't want his money, I just wanted to help him out.

I'd like to think that I've gotten a little wiser since then but wouldn't you know it, every once in a while I come into contact with one of these scams. Some popular ones involve sending people fraudulent checks for big ticket items like jewelery, expensive clothing, etc. They find you through ads posted on sites like craiglist. I decided to list my wedding dress the other day to see if it would get any offers. I got a normal email asking for more details. I answered the questions the emailer had and then received a reply. Names and email address have been cropped out of these images to protect the innocent and the not so innocent:



I thought (to put my own spin on a classic), "We meet again scammers, at last. The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, I am the master." So, I thought I'd just sent a quick reply to get rid of them:



I expected that to be the end of it. However, the economy must be hitting the scamming business hard too because the persistent guy wouldn't just let it be:



The only thing worse than a scammer is a pushy scammer. The only thing below that is a scammer with poor grammar. He asked for it. He practically begged for this:



Yes, when pushed to it, I can be a jerk...but at least I'm a jerk with a sense of humor.

You know you work at an eating disorder treatment center when...

...the beautiful Christmas-themed cover of the Ensign Magazine December issue comes in the mail and...

...all you see is this...

...a barfing sheep.

My Little Fox

Gmail has a fun option of customizing your theme for your email. The cool thing is that any of these themes that you can select change periodically throughout the day. I personally have my theme setting on "tea house." I really enjoy it because if you scroll to the bottom, you can see a little Asian tea house and yard. The tea house is occupied by a little fox. It is fun to see what things he is up to. Sometimes he even has friends come over and visit. This is a typical scene you might see during the day as you check your email:





You can see that he is prepping a meal for himself and little birds are eating crumbs on his porch. So cute! He is a pretty active little Asian fox during the day. In the evening, this is what you might see as you check your mail for any new messages:





My little fox is just sleeping, unaware that a turtle is eating his flowers. Well, I was working a graveyard shift at work and I went into my Gmail to see if there was anything new...and I about wet myself:



Did you see it? Allow me to zoom in:



GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I was so scared for my little fox. I think it was a combination of working a graveyard/getting attached to my little fox because I had chills up and down my spine. I was like, "Somebody call an electronic priest! We need some cyber holy water STAT!!!" I has worried for my little fox! I thought the ghost foxes were going to get him!

Well, I happy to inform you after I slept off the graveyard shift and checked my email in the afternoon the next day, that the ghosts did not get my little fox, and I felt more than a little sheepish. There he was, playing with his fountain in his yard. Whew! Little does he know, there were some visitors at his home the night before. I won't tell him if you won't.

Make Me Cry!

Fortunately I only get sick about once a year. Unfortunately, the little cold will usually turn into a sinus infection if drastic measures are not taken. So when I was sick last month, I knew that I needed to do everything necessary to ensure that my little cold didn't progress into something more miserable and lengthy. This is especially true because not only do I hate doctors, but my insurance plan through BYU has ended and I am flying free right now (sans health insurance). I was trying everything and it wasn't really making an impact on my little cold. We're talking EVERYTHING. I ate spicy food. I snorted and gurgled salt water. I squeezed an entire lemon into hot water and drank it. I even turned on the shower and sat in a camping chair in the bathroom for lengthy periods of time. Despite my efforts, nothing was working! Then, it hit me. When are my sinuses cleaned out the best? When I cry! This was the solution! Now I just needed to cry. Rodolfito came home from work just when I had this great idea. I ran over to greet him and with a quick kiss said, "I need you to make me cry." He was confused but after an explanation, he was on board. The first thing that we did to try to get me to cry was watch clips of sad movies on youtube:


Sophie's Choice, the scene where she chooses between her children. I felt a tug at my heart but no tears.


Beaches, but we sang "Wind Beneath My Wings" for Choir in the 3rd grade and so couldn't help but think of that the entire time.


Of Mice and Men (1939 version) ending. I had high hopes for this one because I saw it for the first time when I was 11 and bawled alone with my pillow. But we got not even a sniff so we took a chance and watched the new version's ending but nothing happened.

We talked about watching some other clips from other notorious tearjerkers:


We didn't watch it because I was 99.9% positive it wouldn't work. Can you say distracting digitally added cold breath? I can.


Schindler's List probably would've worked but only in watching the film in its entirely and that is like a 3 hour time commitment.

So after numerous attempts, my eyes had still barely watered up and I still had very full sinuses. We were discouraged but Rodolfito is a determined man. While I was sitting there trying to think about other things that could work. Peta's "Meat Your Meat" video was a sure bet, but it had the chance of ending in barfage rather than tears. Just then, Rodolfito started talking to me about some sad things. Soon, it was like a miracle and the tears started to flow. Rodolfito, being a goal oriented typical man, kept going once he started seeing tears. Pretty soon I had gone through a significant amount of toilet paper and my sinuses drained. Afterwards I stopped crying, we paused for a second and then went crazy! We were ecstatic that we made me cry! Sadly (pun intended), I have to let you know that it did not keep my sinuses cleared for very long. But happily, because of my tears, this year my cold only developed into a mini sinus infection! Yes!!!

Meet Rodolfito!

So, when some people blog, they give their loved ones pseudonyms. I don't feel like it's a necessity for us but I think it has a high hilarity potential. Therefore, I would like to introduce to you, my handsome and amazing husband:

(drumrolls)...

(fanfare)...

(strong men fainting)...

Rodolfito!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Family resemblance?

Dear Terrorists,

You make my life hell at every airport that I go to. Due to the fact that we look related, I get "randomly selected" for extra security screening and have even had homeland security take down my information.

Thanks,
Debbie

Of Blindfolds and Hancuffs

I recently attended a bridal shower with my Mother for my brother's fiance. This was the first time I went to a bridal shower with my mom and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make it the last. The bride got new house stuff, lingerie, etc. I breathed a sigh of relief when the last present had been opened. This kind of stuff is slightly awkward when it's your brother and even more so when your mom is sitting next to you. I was glad that things stayed in the PG to PG-13 range. Whew! I was driving us home and we were both pretty quiet. I was tired and zoning out but my mother still had her mind on the shower. She broke the silence and asked me in her little Spanish accent why the bra and undies set from Victoria's secret had included a blindfold. I struggled as a searched to find the right explanation. "Well Mom" I said, "Sometimes, people...like to bring in...um...different things into the bedroom." We had stopped at a red light and I emphasized my answer with a "you know" nod with my head and glance. Mom just looked back and said, "I don't understand." I thought again for a moment, "Mom you know, like...handcuffs." That was a little too much for mom. "WHAT??!!?!" She cried, "Handcuffs!" Oops. I decided to take the easy way out. "Hey Mom, maybe you should ask Dad later." She nodded her head and was quiet for a moment and then said, "I guess I am really behind." It was quite possibly one of my favorite mom moments ever.